This isn’t one of those feel-good, love-yourself stories. This is about me hating something I used to love—my hair.
I know that might sound superficial, but if you’ve ever felt like your hair was a part of your identity, you’ll understand. After a balayage treatment that included four rounds of bleach, my natural curls were wrecked. The damage left me feeling insecure, disconnected from myself, and overwhelmed with regret.
Seven months later, I’m still healing—not just my hair, but emotionally too. If you’re dealing with damaged curls or feeling broken over a beauty decision, I hope this post helps you feel less alone.
The Emotional Toll of Losing My Curls
My curls were always a part of me. They gave me confidence and versatility. I could straighten them, wear them naturally, or style them however I liked. Post-bleach, everything changed. My hair lost its bounce, became frizzy, limp, and unmanageable.
Most days, I avoid mirrors. I don’t feel beautiful. This isn’t just about hair—it’s about self-worth. I felt like I had done something irreversible to a piece of who I am.
At one point, I almost chopped it all off and straightened what was left. Thankfully, my daughter talked me down and reminded me that healing takes time.
What Went Wrong: The Bleach Damage
In October, I gave in to the urge for something different—a midlife reinvention, I suppose. Inspired by Pinterest and influencers, I went from jet black to warm brown using balayage.
What I didn’t expect was the damage. Four bleach treatments later, my curl pattern was nearly gone. According to experts, bleach breaks down disulfide bonds in the hair, leading to loss of elasticity and curl definition.
I read something online that stuck with me: “Trying to fix bleached curls is like trying to unfry fried chicken.” Harsh, but sadly accurate.
My Curly Hair Repair Routine (No Heat, Just Hope)
Right now, I’m focused on consistency and patience. Here’s what’s in my current routine (click on title to shop):
Shampoo & Conditioner
- Arey Wash and Smooth – Gentle, pigment-preserving, and scalp-friendly.
- Arey Scalp Scrub – Clarifies and promotes scalp health with peptides.
Bond Repair
- Olaplex Intensive Bond Building Hair Treatment No.0 – Pre-shampoo treatment. Spray on dry hair until damp and leave on for 10 minutes. I like to rinse my hair before applying the next time (once or twice a week).
- Olaplex Hair Perfector Pre-Shampoo Hair Repair Treatment No. 3 – Rebuilds broken bonds and improves strength. Apply this after using Olaplex No.0. It has a cream-like texture that you leave on for 10 minutes, then rinse. After this step, I finish off with shampoo and conditioner.
Molecular Repair
- K18 Leave-In Repair Mask (weekly) – Restores elasticity and rebuilds hair structure from the inside.
Deep Conditioning
- L’Oreal Nature’s Therapy Mega Moisture – Recommended by a curly-haired associate at Sally Beauty, and I’m so glad I listened.
Leave-In Conditioners & Curl Creams
- Miss Jessie’s Leave-In Condish – This lightweight leave-in conditioner acts as the ultimate frizz fighter and moisturizer for wavy, curly, tight curly, or transitioner’s hair.
- Drunk Elephant Silkamino Leave-In – A multitasking leave-in conditioner, styling milk, and heat protectant that strengthens, smooths, and deeply moisturizes.
- Miss Jessie’s Multicultural Curls – This styling lotion is perfect for women who are a beautiful mix of different ethnicities but cannot find styling products that work for their unique multi-textured curls.
- Cantu Shea Butter Curl Activator – Define & add shine to natural curls, coils & waves
- Rhyme & Reason Wave Revival Gel Serum – 93% naturally derived and formulated for naturally wavy hair seeking smooth, defined, bouncy waves.
Oils
- Milbon Smooth Luminous Softening Oil – This luxurious oil, enriched with baobab oil and olive squalane, is formulated to soften and tame coarse, unruly hair, making hair more flexible and movable. Provides heat protection.
- Olaplex No. 7 Bonding Oil – A reparative styling oil for maximum shine, softness, & color vibrancy. Protects from damage, frizz, & heat for sleek, healthy-looking styles.
And yes—I time everything. I even use a shower timer to follow product instructions exactly. I’m not messing around.
No Heat Styling—And Why That’s Hard
I haven’t used a blow dryer or curling wand in over two months. My husband gifted me a Dyson dryer for Christmas, and it just sits there.
Most days, I throw my hair up in a ponytail or half-up style. I struggle to leave it down because I don’t feel confident. I miss the polish and versatility I had when my hair was healthy.
Still, I’m staying committed to no heat because I know that’s the only way forward right now.
Letting Go of Quick Fixes (And Celebrating Small Wins)
I’ve done a lot of research. Some people say it took months to recover. Others? Years. One video said five years.
That’s hard to hear, but I’m trying to manage my mindset. One small win? The hair at the nape of my neck is curling again. That section wasn’t as affected by bleach, and it gives me hope.
Healing isn’t linear. Some days I feel like giving up. But I’m learning to pause and notice even the smallest signs of progress.
Closing Thoughts: This Journey Is Personal
Hair is personal. Losing it—or losing what made it feel like “you”—can feel devastating.
I’m sharing my story because I need encouragement, and maybe you do too. If your curls have been damaged, I hope this gives you comfort or guidance. And if you’ve been through this and come out the other side, I’d love to hear your story.
Let’s support each other.
If this post resonates with you, share it with someone who needs it. And if you’re on this journey too, drop your tips or experience in the comments—I’d truly love to hear.
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